i can't believe this

5 minutes ago, i was actually considering cutting myself, wrists or arms or whatsoever. (i know it's dumb.)

while i am always the one condemning people doing that,
i actually thought of doing it myself.

no. i didn't mean to get attention.
i was just sad. so sad.
i broke down. i cried out loud.
and all i wanted to do is just to forget about my sadness.

i've been trying and struggling to be happy for the past 15 hours.
i want to go out but i just can't.
i want to study but i can't concentrate.
i tried to sleep, but when i did, i just kept thinking about things that make me sad and it made me cry even more.

so i thought of how people like to cut their wrists. why do they do so? i never understand. from what i understand is that, most of them just want to get attention from whoever they think they care.

but i'm sure they're people who do it not just becos they want attention.
why so?

maybe it helps?
help what?
help you to forget about your sadness?

so for a few minutes, i was convinced that pain might help me out.

then my sanity regained.

i'm so scared of pain. i'm such a wimp. how can pain help me then? it probably works for other people. perhaps not for me. it's just gonna make the matter worse.

[--friends, be relieved. even though i'm still young and hopeless, i'm not that hopeless anymore. (though i think just the thought of cutting myself alone makes me look hopeless enough)--]

so now i'm gonna try some other means to make me happy. (i always thrive to be happy) now i am gonna go out. i am going to eat some cows or huge chunks of chicken. i suppose that'll probably work for me!

wish me luck!


Ni submitted homework at 5:08 PM

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